Working on an experience…

Posted: August 21, 2010 in poetry
Tags: , ,

Had this real surreal experience on the way to work the other morning.  It was early, around 0430, and I was stopped by a train leaving a steel mill.  It had many empty cars.  The morning was slightly hazy, warm.  The trains went by, thumping the pavement, with a rhythm that danced with the warning lights.  The train was so dark, and black, but the lights around would break through each car.  Very beautiful and peaceful.  First time I didn’t mind getting caught by a train….

Trying to work this into poem…

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Comments
  1. Arkay says:

    i’d call it “Rail Lights”

    ((((Wulfgar))))

    Peace Bro.

    • Wulfgar says:

      Oh, I like that my friend. I’m having such a hard time putting that scene into words. When I write poetry, it’s very lucid, haiku-ish, on the spot spontaneous spontaneity. It is so difficult to capture a feeling like that….some times I wish I had a camera. Hey, for sh!ts and giggles, wanna work this one out, right here, on the www, via Mentally Impaled? Do ya? Huh? Do ya?
      ((((arkay))))

      • Arkay says:

        i has some thots on that, will think about it some more, and maybe post some word thoughts in the next few days or so.

        mite lean more towards the giggles side of things, iffn you don’t mind tho 😉

        (i have had some fleeting wordings that i think might contribute to what you wish to convey)

        ciao 4now

  2. […] maybe not ‘soon’. Having as much trouble as Wulfgar getting words on the page to describe just what it is i feel. […]

  3. Arkay says:

    Try this…

    (woke up with the gist of it in my head this morning – yours to do with as you will)

    Rail Lights

    Starlit morn
    Thump-thump, Thump-thump

    Slowing down
    Thump-thump, Thump-thump

    Fully stop
    Thump-thump, Thump-thump

    Walls of steel
    There…not, There…not

    Narrow gap
    There-not, There-not

    Warning red
    There-not, There-not

    Notice now
    light-dark, light-dark

    Rhythm soothes
    light-dark, light-dark

    Thought adrift
    light-dark, light-dark

    Peace settles

  4. Arkay says:

    (edit above please… supposed to be thoughts adrift. ty)

    • Wulfgar says:

      How bout this;
      Rail Lights
      Pre-dawn night
      Thump-thump, Thump-thump
      Slowing down, my path blocked
      Thump_Thump, Thump_Thump
      Fully stop, my movement and thoughts
      Thump_Thump, Thump_Thump
      Walls of steel, wheeled, rolling
      There_not, There_not
      Narrow gap
      There_not, There_not
      Warning red
      Hypnotic Flashes
      Here now, Awake
      light_dark, Thump_ Thump, light_dark, Thump_Thump
      Rhythm soothes
      Thump_Thump, Thump_Thump
      Thoughts align
      Thump_Thump, Thump_Thump
      Peace settles

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